Seventeenth Day

My first computer was bought in 1986. It was an Amstrad and it worked with two discs. I booted it by inserting the operating system then inserted the logos software. I bought it in a hurry to complete a research project on homelessness. My other projects were done by typewriter which was painstakingly slow for me when I wanted to be accurate. Making a mistake in the last paragraph without a way of correcting it neatly spoiled many evenings as tried to retype the page only to make another error.
If missing deadlines on a typewriter was a minor tragedy, it was heavenly to work on a computer with the capacity to self correct, copy and paste. I adored my computer and the ability to print perfect copies until several years later when I had another research deadline. Thirty six hours before, I booted the computer after an early dinner and worked non-stop except for coffee breaks all through the night. Next day I skipped meals and with the end in sight proceeded to work through the second night to be certain of completion. My energy lasted but my computer did not. At 4.30am in the morning as I was sorting out the Appendices, there was the acrid smell of smoke and burning. My heart survived the shock of knowing that the last 36 hours of constructing tables with carefully thought out analyses were lost in smoke. My infatuation with the computer was over. A second experience convinced me of the need to complete important work with time enough to repeat the process if necessary.

Twenty five years later, technology has transformed home computing to the extent that it is almost unrecognizable from the primitive models of the early eighties. I do not have a flair for technical skills but I'm no technophobe. I attend classes whenever I have the opportunity. I've even learnt how to build a computer. I can't recall much but I'm no longer mystified. However, my software skills need updating too so I enrolled in a Mous class. I have attended other classes before. Few made a lasting impression but this class inspires me. I can work faster and better. A whole new world of mouse clicks awaits. I long to spend weeks just immersing myself in one heading after another.

Yet, this world was always there within reach. It is available on my computer. It is accessible because the computer is in my office. Yet all its time saving, document enhancing features went untouched. I feel that there are some similarities with studying the Bible. There is a ribbon with many headings which I see but never explore.

Home Button: Trust in the Lord with all thy Heart
The Empowerment heading: He giveth strength to the weak
The Insurance Heading: I go to prepare a place for you
The Prosperity heading: My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches glory
Layout Heading: IN all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path
There are so many headings I have never used and I've missed precious experiences on the journey because of unbelief and ignorance. Exciting times lie ahead as I explore the soft ware and Heavenly ware.

Sixteenth Day

Two of my colleagues attended another funeral of a loved one. Divorce does not always sever emotional ties. Long crushed feelings that are sometimes hastily packaged in an attempt to move on can surprise me. So I hope that these colleagues have peace in their goodbyes.

One of the great things about living my life is that no two days are the same. It is similar to fashion that has the same basics but changes with frills or shorter hems, plaids or stripes to make a difference between a new look and an outdated one. Today, had a higher quota of frustrations slightly eased by meeting three new people whose stories made me grateful once again for a grace-filled life. I’m less wary now of people who always claim to be blessed, particularly when it seems to be used like a slogan. However, even amidst the friction and pressure of office dynamics, it is stimulating to be involved at the roundabout of daily living.
It is also challenging when my every discourse is monitored. After all, if God is really with me, how can I be rude, deceitful or destructive? Jesus asked us to pray “Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven”. This suggests that prayers are connected to the outcome. God’s will is so clear about the behavior of the poor and the prosperous. If He is with me, then our togetherness should positively affect the lives of others. My father used to say that there was bread in the house of Joseph because God was with him.
I hope that today someone’s life was better because God was with me.

Fifteenth Day

I attended a funeral this morning to support a colleague whose father had died. I signed the book and waited in line to see the family most of whom I did not know.
I murmured something non-specific and said that I was sorry…just words but words are all there is in times like these. I wanted to use other words. I wanted to say that nothing would have prepared them for the heartache, for the emptiness, the knowledge that their world has changed forever. Fourteen months ago, I too sat in a front row seat looking at my father’s coffin.

Time has smoothed the edges of my grief but a song; a happy moment may end in unbearable weeping. Dealing with loss peels away the scab that forms around my heart and leaves me hurting again. As I have not felt able to put all the pieces of my fractured life together, I suspect that some pieces are too fragmented to fit and make the old pattern. This saddens me but these irretrievable bits present an opportunity to live life differently. There is mindfulness in living when you walk with sorrow.

This attitude makes me grateful for the well being of those me love. It makes me appreciative of all my blessings especially when I’m aware of tragedy in the lives of so many people. These tragedies put in perspective natural loss and assure me that the loss of my dad is just “a light affliction”.

My experience of affliction will differ from my colleague’s. In all probability, she will not find it “light” but she will have the presence of a compassionate, comforting God.

Fourteenth Day

The trip to the doctor was cancelled because I awoke with a cold. My voice might have become croaky but the searing pain in my throat has gone.My ears seemed blocked but they are no longer united by a painful rod. My fever has also gone and compared to the misery of yesterday, I feel fine. I decided to go to work taking two tablets as insurance, was welcomed with relief.

Not knowing adds so much anxiety to our lives. Despite the countless number of colds I have endured, I could not understand the level of pain yesterday so feared the worse. When the signs of an upper respiratory tract infection became apparent, I could relax, sip mint tea perfused with lemon and ginger as I wait it out.

It is said that in human experience "there is nothing new". So old experiences of people and situations come in new packages. I often hesitate to open the unfamiliar or worry because of the different shape or size of the problem when I've addressed similar problems before at another time in another place. Fear can sap my curiosity and often prevents me from opening the packages life sends. Yet even what seems to be new is often made up of parts of the old so I already have the skills and experience for a successful solution.

I will try to remember this when my new staff member starts to-morrow. I will hold to this belief when I feel overwhelmed with conflicting demands. I know that things, like my walk with God, change but remain the same

Thirteenth Day

Early Sunday morning, an arc of pain across my throat and ears woke me up. I felt feverish and wondered if the fever had affected my dreams which made glad to be awake. Although I was looking forward to going to Church, I thought that I should take care of myself by being sensible. So I read “the best of everything” that I had bought yesterday. The central character, a pastor’s daughter, was always given the best of everything by her father who paid her extravagant bills out of guilt for this treatment of his family. She married the man of her dreams but thought that he should accept her adultery and excessive debts because he promised to love her until death.

Even with the failure of her marriage and national disgrace, she remained unrepentant as she felt her problems would be resolved if she married someone rich enough.
Her egocentricity was breathtaking but it made me reflect on my excuses and the dynamics of my relationships. Sometimes we can expect too much of others.

Finding acceptance for other viewpoints is part of compassionate communication, despite the claims of postmodernism, not every perspective is privileged. While I agree that absolute positions should be taken with caution, I feel that there are some ethical issues that are right in any culture or time. Ancient virtues of faith, self-reliance, saving for a rainy day, help your neighbor, protecting the defenseless still have a place in our society. It is so

I want to move with the times the same as any teenager. Yet I recall the warning of the ancient prophets against removing the ancient landmarks; so I try, not only during Lent but as a lifestyle choice to let them stand.

Thirteenth Day

Thank God for weekends. I became increasingly tired as the week faded away but stayed up until this morning to complete an article. I didn’t have time to review it and when I went to bed, better phrasing of words and alternative sentences haunted my mind chasing sleep away. So I went to bed after 4am and I did not even hear my alarm.
I stayed in bed in carefree mood feeling that I should rest some more. At 11.30am, I had breakfast and completed Solomon or the Song of Songs. As a song, it will not make my Top Ten list but as one of the thousands of songs Solomon wrote, its beauty has endured. It is after all, a love story in the tradition of the prince and a pauper. At a time w hen I’m practicing a love affair with God, reading a love story in the Bible has His fingerprints. The confidence of the Bride and the adoration of Solomon have made me revise my critique of this book.

I exercised to a CD that buzzed in several places. A few days ago it was undamaged. Now the third and fourth tracks were tortuous as it crackled and slowed down showing some positions in slow motion.

I hit the stores searching for a suitable table for coffee dispensers and a rug. Bought two sensory toys because they were irresistible. I can hardly wait to see the toddlers’ faces on Monday.

Shopping for food was fun because I found some crackers I ate as a child. Although I can eat anything, the food of my childhood reaches parts other food does not reach. When I am sick or distressed, my comfort food is what I ate as a child. It makes me think that whatever happens, all is right with the world. A good of rest and no commitments enlivened by a lengthy phone call from a childhood friend is surely a blessed day.

Thank God for weekends

Twelve Days

Today, I signed the consent for the Center to become a training site but my mind was jammed with so many things to do. Applications for various projects, research for others, starting some more. Armed with deadlines, it is easy forget the presence of God but I know He is there. Sometimes He rebukes, sometimes He comforts or encourages. Sometimes He just stays around. I'm getting to like those times even better for only old friends can share soothing silence.
I completed the Proverbs 31 article, something I don't think that I would have done two weeks ago. Simply put, God gives me confidence. Whether I win or not, I had the discipline to submit 879 words within a tight deadline. I would like to use my niece's example to abandon myself to to God . She was alone in her classroom but she was unperturbed. The CD player was on and as she touched her toes and patted her stomach, she was entranced. She clapped her hands when each track ended and stood on tiptoe to find the mouse. Her granddad came to take her home but she ignored him to dance to one more song. It must be great being 15 months old, adored by all the adults in your life, not fully aware of your toddler legs, but knowing that you would be picked up if you fall.
God is disarmed by trust and I want to trust HIm as a little child for He knows the way that I take and when He has tried me, I will come forth as gold.