Moving on

Some one said that you only begin to live when you are ready to die. While some brave individuals may achieve readiness to die in their personal lives, it can be more difficult to function satisfacorily with the impending death of some one loved. You believe that you accept the terminal nature of their illness until something occurs that makes you hope again. Or the situation deteriorates and your grief returns even greater than before. Living on this sea=saw of hope and fear, despair and elation soon take its toll.

Although episodes of stress can provide opportunities of growth, physiologically, we cannot live as adrenalin junkies. Living in a constant state of anticipatory grief impairs function. Incredible people spend years with a sick child or spouse nursing hope to have their options dry out time and time again.

Sorrow is specific to each person. I am slowly letting go of the anxieties of things I cannot control or change. I try not to feel guilty that my situation gives me a respite from the day to day care-taking but I pray for strength for those who do . I remember and celebrate their unselfishness. God promised "as my days , so shall my strength be". I summon up strength for each day by removing anything to darken the shadows. So I try to be especially kind and patient. I cleared the air with a former friend. After losing the baggage of petty strife, I try to exercise and enjoy my hobbies. I will also make some plans for life is best when lived with all its possiblities. Weeping may endure for months of nights but morning always comes as God signs his name in shades of dawn.