Tomorrow is Sunday, a day to meet with worshippers and celebrate the Christ.I do look forward to corporate worship but tomorrow I’ll be home worshipping from my internal space as I allow God to speak to me in the silence.
Two months ago, I returned from retreat relaxed and renewed; yet during this week, I’ve been like an over laden ship, running out of oil in the engine room, about to cross the Horn of Africa. I need to delay until I can get more supplies before I face a week riddled with commitments and challenges.
Sometimes, I treat my life with such disrespect. I paint over stress points, minimize my losses, ignore my wounds, neglect my soul and expect to function like a well-oiled machine. Yet I am fearfully and wonderfully made because of the holistically balanced measure of body, soul, spirit. Taking time to care for myself is a sacred trust not something I should do because I made a mistake that reminds me of my limitations and mortality.
So this week-end, I will worship God by taking care of his creation-working with Him to regain my balance. It would entail exercise and contemplation, tea infusions and candle-light. It would also include doing the laundry, tidying book shelves, creating order. There may even be time to really smell the fragrance of the roses I’ve bought last spring.
The world would be a better place if all children were taught to think of others and put them first. However, they need to learn that they are not expected to love themselves less. Indeed, they undermine their ability to help others if they fail to meet their own needs. This is a lesson that I am still learning with the greatest difficulty.
So with 2011, nine months old, I can admit that it has been a sad, difficult year with several unrealized goals. I also know that many more challenging moments lie ahead before calm seasons come; but the year has been littered with God filled moments so definitive that I saw His headlights. God is with me. My main job is to tend His body.
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