Living in the Shadows

It is a month since my dad became ill. Three weeks ago, I started this strange journey in the shadows. We were invited into the quiet room of this teaching hospital and in the presence ot the chaplain told of our dad's poor prognosis. Earlier, we had committed Dad to God 's care but the pain of impending loss was almost unbearable. I stayed the night and following day in the ICU making my own special bargain with God and his condition stabilized. Two days later he was on the ward. He watched television and spoke a little . We thought that the bleeding in his brain had stopped. One day, he regained his swallowing reflex and ate all his meals. Next day, he could no longer swallow but the nurse assured us that he would go home after a period of rehabilitation. That day, I thanked God for a miracle.

We left the hospital walking on air. the sentence was lifted. Three hours later, the hospital called and asked us about resuscitation. They already knew. On January, 3rd as I visited him in another ICU, I read the Scriptures and prayed with him. I tried to sing but could not control my voice. I asked pointed questions. The drips hung from stands without being attached to his vein and I questioned his nutritional status. He slowly weakened and we thought that he won't make it . but he returned to the ward . Some days he was pyrexial,. some days not. Dad did leave the hospital and is now being cared for at home. As we celebrate each new day, we are brought back to reality by words like "hospice" and "morphine". These emotive words suggest limited time. But, every day in the last three weeks has been a bonus. Despite the crippling weight of impending loss, the ceaseless fight against creeping lethargy that dogs my days, I am learning to live with gratitude. All too soon, I'll be a fatherless child. My dad still has some lessons to teach me. Death is a part of life and can cast long shadows. Living in them is like visiting a foreign country. You may not know the rules or customs but you use a guide when possible. You enjoy the adventure.