Playing the game

Today, I almost had my canine tooth for dessert. Fortunately, its tastelessness and rough edges made me take a closer look. It had broken off at the base but the barely visible stump of my tooth was covered in black colored adhesive.. This appeared as decay so I phoned my dentist immediately. In less than two hours, my tooth was repaired and I had recovered from going to the dentist without a vigorous brushing of teeth before such a visit.

Hours before, I had heard of the suicide of a colleague making me punch drunk. My father’s death was acknowledged at a meeting as I sat becalmed on a sea of solitude as conversation lapped like waves around me.

For the first time in my life, I do not want to go out to work. I really don’t want to do anything. I go through motions of activity and am relieved when I can make a decision, complete a task. My lethargy defies my good intentions and sabotages my plans.

I get home and phoned my mother keeping the promise that I made as she sobbed when I left. I asked her to watch television to keep her mind active in an attempt to slow down the ravages of Alzheimer’s. She thoughtfully agreed with me but without my dad, I worry how she’d pass the time. She did not tell me that my sister became very upset as she packed up my father’s belongings. I did not mention it. But a strange thing happened, my sister’s tears and brother’s upset did not affect me today.

Despite the topsy -turvy time, I feel less flattened by unknown weights, the sea of grief that daily threatens to wash my life away seemed less ferocious . So tonight, Shrove Tuesday, I celebrate my best day in three months.