I attended a funeral this morning to support a colleague whose father had died. I signed the book and waited in line to see the family most of whom I did not know.
I murmured something non-specific and said that I was sorry…just words but words are all there is in times like these. I wanted to use other words. I wanted to say that nothing would have prepared them for the heartache, for the emptiness, the knowledge that their world has changed forever. Fourteen months ago, I too sat in a front row seat looking at my father’s coffin.
Time has smoothed the edges of my grief but a song; a happy moment may end in unbearable weeping. Dealing with loss peels away the scab that forms around my heart and leaves me hurting again. As I have not felt able to put all the pieces of my fractured life together, I suspect that some pieces are too fragmented to fit and make the old pattern. This saddens me but these irretrievable bits present an opportunity to live life differently. There is mindfulness in living when you walk with sorrow.
This attitude makes me grateful for the well being of those me love. It makes me appreciative of all my blessings especially when I’m aware of tragedy in the lives of so many people. These tragedies put in perspective natural loss and assure me that the loss of my dad is just “a light affliction”.
My experience of affliction will differ from my colleague’s. In all probability, she will not find it “light” but she will have the presence of a compassionate, comforting God.
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