First day

Last night, I went to bed laughing at myself and wondering how God could tolerate our inconsistencies and still have any thunderbolts left. My excuse was that I had recently celebrated a birthday with flowers, good wishes and fruit. Decades of singlehood had taught me how to care for myself so I bought the first lot of yellow carnations. I usually try to do something different as an immunization against getting into a paralyzing rut. This year, seduced by the free trial, I started to apply to an on-line dating service. Self -description is not at all easy for me so I thought that I should sleep on it. Sleep evaded me, and then the implication of what I had attempted made me feel shallow and trite. After all, I'm already trying to build a relationship. I feel that the least I can do is treat God as I would a lover. Therefore, I can't be looking for a date during this period of relating to Him. In my romantic relationships, I was always loyal to my partner so God shouldn't be treated differently. In fact, He said that He is a jealous God and that we should put none before Him.

I take comfort in knowing that no part of my mind or heart is unknown to God so I recovered from my on-line adventure. I still wanted to know how to say good night to the God of the universe. Rituals are important in giving meaning and intimacy. I recall during the dating game, going to bed reflecting on what we'd done or shared so this will be my starting point. Memories of my bedtime routine when my thoughts were crowded with images of the one I cared about and my heart longed for the next day to see him again and to start all over, made me smile. Treating God like a person is an adventure, not knowing where it will end , only hoping to be with Him.