Lent starts on Sunday

During last Lent, my church had the Daniel fast. There was a great spirit of comraderie and a lot of positive health benefits although my friend and I seemed to be the only people who did not lose weight. The time was memorable because I fell down the stairs at work but landed sitting two steps below where I tripped. I was certain that God intervened to stop me crashing down to the next floor. Sore for days with a knee that was badly swollen, I felt really grateful that I had escaped so lightly. However, I did not have new spiritual insights and felt somewhat disappointed when Lent ended.
On Shrove Tuesday, I made English pancakes as I've yet to learn to make the American ones. My guests enjoyed them but making pancakes was the only tangible preparation I made for the Lenten season. Ash Wednesday came and passed, and I remained unclear as to the direction of my 2011 Lenten journey. I completed the Book of Proverbs. Starting the Song of Solomon was automatic but Isaiah or the gospel seemed more inviting at this time. Saturday, was spent hanging out with my niece and her charming friend when I was not watching cartoons and playing toy pool with my nephew. As they left for dinner, I raced to Kroger's for breakfast food: bread,bacon, eggs, cheese, cookies (not on the list of the Daniel fast).
Sunday morning, I tiptoed to my niece's room to take breakfast orders. Sleepily, she informed me that she would eat on the road, I thought: I can't keep eggs for forty days, I'd already emptied my fridge of unsuitable stuff but I smiled and asked: "Leaving so soon"? As I was only going to eat oatmeal, I slid in the shower. Rubbing exfoliants on my face, my body relaxed beneath the caress of the warm sprays. I remembered shortening my bath just to be able to spend more time with someone. Amidst the suds, the challenging question begged an answer: Can you love me enough to want to spend as much time with me as you did that man? This morning I was confronted and humbled with the state of my heart as I could not answer Yes! I try so hard to please God and to live my life in obedience to HIm. I really want HIs will for my life but do I want just to spend time with HIM, to be with HIm alone. Isn't it strange that I am willing to work for God, am more ready to die for my beliefs about God than to enjoy a love relationship with HIm? So exploring this paradox is now my Lenten quest.
How can God be my lover? How can I have that sense of expectancy to be with Him. How can I make it real. Holy,Creator God of the universe in a relationship with me- finite, fragile , female sinner. What happens next, I really don't know but I'm ready.